29-year-old and all-around person. This is where I talk about stuff and show you things.
Mitt Romney won the Texas Republican primary last night, crossing the crucial 1,144-delegate threshold! Yes, what a story! He came from never being behind to clinch the Republican nomination! They said it could be done, and against no odds, he achieved the possible!
— STEPHEN COLBERT, The Colbert Report (via inothernews)
(via guiseppegetto)
Michael Solomon cast the GOP primaries for us and found some striking similarities. Ian McKellen as Ron Paul?! Yes. Ed Helms as Rick Santorum? Of course! And Cuba Gooding Jr. could play a mean Juan Williams. See the rest.
Flawless victory.
Cognitive Dissonance: Oh thank you sweet baby jeebus...
It’s over.
Summary:
- Rick Perry had a meltdown. His train of thought derailed multiple times and he was slurring his words slightly.
- Mitt Romney’s hair was jauntily tousled and he probably gets a boost from this.
- Herman Cain proved he’s not a misogynist by referring to Rep. Nancy Pelosi as “Princess Nancy” and gave Jim Cramer a stroke by referencing 9-9-9 when Cramer said specifically not to at all.
- Michele Bachmann insulted poor people by saying they could pay taxes by buying “two less Happy Meals.”
- Ron Paul suggested students pay for college like they pay for cell phones and that getting rid of student loans will make the price go down. He alternated between Grandpa Simpson and soothsayer.
- Rick Santorum was lost because he couldn’t talk about abortions and gay people killing America.
- Newt Gingrich got his ass handed to him by moderators for claiming “media is not reporting accurately how the economy works.” At a CNBC debate.
- Jon Huntsman was the grown-up in the room, reminding everyone Americans watching this debate are hurting. They’re losing their jobs, their houses, and there’s no simple solution. He had ideas versus talking points. So he’s going to sink further than 1% in the polls.
